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Could I have vaginismus?
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:59 am    Post subject: Could I have vaginismus?  Reply with quote

I'm a 19 year old virgin and I had my first pap about 3 months ago. I had it done by a regular medical doctor, I know I should have went to a gyno but unfortunately I didn't. I have never had anything 'down there' ever. Not a tampon, not a finger, nothing at all.

So before the exam, I asked her "Is this going to hurt?" she said "Well, you're a virgin. So yeah, probably." So immediately I was scared. I don't recall seeing her lube up the speculum or put any lube on the area, so I don't think she used much (if any) lube.

The second she put the speculum in, I yelled out some profanities and felt my lower body lift up off the table and then fall back down on it because it was such a shock because I've never felt anything inside down there. Then she kept going! And it only hurt worse from that point on. I kept telling her I couldn't finish the test, but she kept going. Then she said: "Okay, it's out now!" and then I relaxed and she fit 2 or 3 fingers in to feel around with no problem at all, no pain or anything. I can fit a tampon in, and I can fit a finger in (I've never tried two, only one so far).

But since that experience, I am terrified that maybe I have vaginismus.
I don't know if I was just super nervous, and if that was a horrible and unprofessional experience, or if maybe there is a real issue here.

I thought that considering women with vaginismus have extreme trouble inserting anything, that after the trauma with the speculum, that my vaginal muscles would have clenched up so much she wouldn't have been able to fit her fingers in. But she fit her fingers in without a problem.

If I had vaginismus, would she have been able to insert 2-3 fingers after the trauma of the speculum? Do you think it is a possiblity that I could have vaginismus, or do I think I just had a very very bad and unprofessional pap smear experience?

I've been pretty worried over this, and crying all the time. Any opinions or help would be so helpful.
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


although vaginismus comes in different degrees of severity, I think if you usually don't have any problems at all to insert anything, and especially because the doctor could fit in her fingers easily directly afterwards, it doesn't sound like vaginismus to me. It's quite normal for women to tighten up when they get scared.

Nobody here can give you a 100% "diagnose", but it is easy to test. So if you have no troubles sticking your finger in, try something bigger and you'll see. Maybe it also helps to read around the website and learn about vaginismus.

But I'm like 80 % sure that you are worried about nothing. Smile
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2009 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The experience you had sounds SOOO Traumatic.

I'm SO annoyed with that doctor.

pap tests should not be done on virgins!
not without some sound preparation before.

They should teach you how to dilate, gently,
over some months and give you a speculum
and tell you "see you when you can insert it", "let us know if you need help".

And of COURSE they should use lube.
we have a whole page on myths that gyno's have about lubes
and how unfounded they are.

If your gyno has an email i strongly urge you to send her
that article of ours on  "things women say about their gynos"
and other pages too..

i'm really sorry you went through that.

I'm glad that inserting fingers is fine.
right now i'm not worried about vaginismus here.

I'm worried cause you were treated very, very badly
and your vagina didn't deserve that AT all and i hope
you'll recover from having such an insensitive entry.

Change that gyno if you can.

and read our guide on going to those visits prepared.
i wish you (and many others) were given
such a guide BEFORE they go have their first visit.....

I'm glad you're here now
"Vaginismus isn't the problem, the way society looks at sex is"
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you so much for your responses, they are tremendously helpful. I have been terrified since November about the experience ever since. A part of my inner labia swelled up and I had to go to the ER (they thought it was a cyst) and the minute they mentioned having to "look inside", I immediately started crying hysterically and my vitals skyrocketed (they were monitored on a machine). I have tachycardia anyway (irregularly fast heartbeat) but my heart rate went up to 167 beats a minute at the mention of having to "look inside". They called a gyno down to talk to me, and he could tell I was so scared. He was very helpful in trying to make me feel relaxed but I couldn't help it. I am terrified for anybody to go near there now. They didn't have to look inside because the swelling was so big that they wouldn't have  been able to fit a speculum in anyway.

But back to my original story, I don't think she used much (if any) lube. I don't recall her putting any on the area before the exam, it just felt like she shoved it in really quick. I told her I couldn't finish, but she kept going. I told her again that I couldn't do it, and she said "I didn't even open you up yet!". After hearing that, I uttered even more profanities and started whimpering. Then she opened it, and that hurt by far the worst. Telling a virgin that she's "not opened up yet" when she's already visibly upset wasn't the smartest thing to do on her part. Then she told me when it was out, and then I watched her lube up 2-3 (can't remember if it was 2 or 3) fingers and she fit them in with such ease, there was no pain or anything. My body was in such shock that I couldn't cry until it was over, then when I sat up from the table, I started to lean to the side and I almost fell off. Then I started crying. My mom was horrified at how upset I was and asked the doctor why I had so much pain. All she said was: "She's a virgin, what did she expect?"

So for awhile after, I was afraid that maybe I had vaginismus because of the pain. But maybe it was just an incompetent doctor who didn't walk me through it the way she should have, she pretty much kept me in the dark about everything the whole time. Also because she didn't use much (if any) lube, and also because she told me before the exam that it was going to hurt, and also cheerily informed me that I wasn't "opened up" yet when I was already visibly panicked and in pain.

I am a bit more informed now, thanks to this website. I'm trying not to be afraid anymore, and to just think that maybe I had a traumatic visit and that maybe I don't have vaginismus after all.

I don't know how to get past the mental part of the trauma of this though. If it turns out that I probably don't have it after all, how can I get past my terror of having anything near my vagina? Any help or suggestions would be so greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much again, Chalchi and admin.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah that really was a horrible doctor and like the admin I'd recomment not going there again. Also, there is no need to let anyone do anything with your body that you are not comfortable with! So don't let this happen again... let yourself explain clearly what the doctor is going to do and if you feel anxious, tell him, and if he ignores it leave.

Also, I think you really should overcome this fear, because although you don't seem to have vaginismus, this is the best way to develop it. So how do you feel about trying to insert bigger objects, one by one? Maybe even try a speculum yourself sometime? I'm terrified of them myself and think it would be helpful, regarding my experiences with tampons. You could have a look at the dilating guide to get an idea how it is done.

I wish you all the best, and whenever there is something you want to know, don't hesitate to ask!
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 5:46 am    Post subject: Could you have vag? Reply with quote

Oh Junebug, I'm so sorry this happened to you. That doctor sounded HORRIBLE! So unsympathetic and cruel and rough. Please never go to her again. It's always shocking when women gynos are bad with patients. You would think they would have more empathy. But sometimes they don't.

Maybe you could think of something nice you could do for your private parts. They deserve to be treated really well after going through all that. At least you can know that you can trust yourself to always be kind and gentle with them. Poor little parts!

They might feel like being totally left alone for a while. Listen to them.

It's true that some people do develop vaginismus after going through a traumatic experience. Hopefully you can heal your mind now and avoid developing vag. Some people even choose to talk to a counselor or therapist if they can find someone they trust. Or you can always talk to us. I'm glad you found us.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 8:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Junebug,
so glad you feel more informed now.

i really REALLY wish girls were told about how to deal with
incompetent gynos early on in life and were equipped with info
to avoid such COMMON traumas like the one you went through

Anyway, as for your question,
right now i would just TAKE IT EASY.


You have been through a very traumatic event.
Our bodies (and souls) are great and they can recover
from the most traumatic experience so you will too
but give it time.

i wouldn't recommend inserting anything in your vagina right now
and not for a long enough period of time either..

there's no need to now anyway, right?

Give your vagina a holiday from being invaded  and stressed out.

All i'd allow myself if i were you are MASSAGES and CUDDLES !!!


I'm glad your mother was understanding.
Sometimes mothers tend to value doctors over their daughters,
just cause they are doctors , they are still seen as immortal gods
by older people.

THat HAS to change.
i really wish one day you'll be healed enough and strong enough
to go back to that woman (by email or in person etc), and tell her
what an impact she had on you.

I just worry that she may be doing the same things to other girls
every single day....  it's a bad thought.

anyway, i'd understand you didn't feel up to it now.

I just hope you will.
She badly needs to learn what she did wrong..

keep writing here and vent all you wish.

I would't worry about developing vag. now.
If fingers could enter you, then even if you developed it,
it'd be quite mild and easy to deal with,  so nothing you should worry about right now.

soon in time your body will forget about this but i hope
you won't forget the lesson.

never trust a doctor more than your vagina trusts her !!!!

all the best
"Vaginismus isn't the problem, the way society looks at sex is"
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for all the help, ladies. You have no idea how grateful I am.

During my exam, my sister was in the next room (for an ear infection). I had the exam done by a regular doctor instead of a gyno, poor choice on my part I guess, but I know lots of young girls my age who get theirs done by their doctor so I figured it was no big deal.

My sister said she could hear me very clearly and how much pain I was in, so I heard her talking at the door asking what was going on in there to cause my pain. The doctor said "Don't open the door, I'm almost done!" then she felt inside with her fingers, and opened the door.

The doctor then turned to me and said "I have had family members and friends bust open the door during pelvic exams..." I didn't realize what her words meant at the time. Could it be that she has traumatized other woman by poor practices during the pelvic exam/pap smear, causing their family/friends who heard to open the door wondering what could be occurring inside that room to cause that pain? I didn't think about that possibility until now.

So many people kept telling me that it hurt because I was a virgin, but I didn't think that kind of intense severe "forced entry" type of pain was simply because I was/am a virgin. And if that pain was to be expected, I'll never have sex and put myself through that pain again.

This event has scared me so much that every time I recount the story to somebody (in person or even as I was writing my initial post) I start feeling very scared inside and I start crying. My face starts to feel really hot, and my heart starts pounding out of my chest.
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First-time sex is NOT supposed to hurt. Please read the following article on the main-site if you are scared:

All I had to say about the matter has been said before. I'm sorry that you're still scared, there really is no reason to be. Just never visit that doctor again and tell your friends and family not to do it. I don't know if legal steps would be a success because usually you can't be forced to have an examination done.

You don't have vaginismus and you do not want to have vaginismus.

You have a wonderful opportunity that nobody of us regulars here had: To learn about how to treat your vagina BEFORE you develop vaginismus. Cherish this opportunity. Be thankful that YOUR first try of sex WILL NOT HURT, because you know your body.
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you so much. I've visited this website several times, and I can't believe I missed that section. You all have no idea how much I appreciate your help to all who responded. YOU are the definition of a strong and informed woman. All of you, all of us. You have no idea how much I appreciate this information and help. I am going to treat Petunia very well (that's what I named my vagina, haha) and learn about her the very best way that I can.  

I am no longer afraid of the inevitable first try at sexual intercourse that I will have one day. It's very sad that so many women, of all ages, have accepted the fact sex is "supposed to hurt" the first time.

Thank you all again so much. You have no idea how grateful I am. I feel so much better about everything. You wouldn't believe just how low I felt, after people telling me to "get over it" whenever I described the pain I felt and "take it like a man". A man? I'm not a man. And even men couldn't take that kind of pain, that's why women have babies, mammograms, paps, periods, and other things that can be painful. Men just aren't as strong as we are, I guess.


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