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I posted awhile back about my first traumatic pap back in November, and how the doctor forced a non lubricated speculum into me when I was telling her that I couldn't finish the exam.

After seeing a different doctor (and asking questions about his familiarity with vaginismus), I asked about vaginismus in my specific case and he said that he doesn't think that I have it, but rather that I am reacting how one would normally react after being violated. His wife is also a doctor and she works with rape victims and women who have had all sorts of vaginal traumas, and I also had an appointment with her and she assured me that I don't have vaginismus and that I just had a really bad pap experience.

So thanks to this site, I used all of the information about a vagina in general and I decided to practice with inserting things to get comfortable with my vagina, and to get comfortable with things being inserted so the next time I have a pap I'm not so afraid of the penetration associated with the exam. I can successfully fit three fingers, and a tampon in without pain! It might not sound like much, but it's a huge deal to me! When my sister recommended that I should try inserting a finger about three months ago in order to get more comfortable with myself, I broke into tears. The thought of inserting anything into my vagina terrified me, but I'm gradually becoming more and more comfortable with insertion, and more comfortable with myself and my vagina.

I am taking it slow, I don't want to overwhelm myself, but I just wanted to thank you all for your help and encouragement through my difficult ordeal with my trauma. I was so scared, and everybody kept telling me to 'suck it up' and 'take it like a man'. A man? Men couldn't deal with half the things us women have to!  Wink

Thank you all so much! You all are the best!

That's great! It's very nice to hear that you are doing fine now! Very Happy

Three fingers actually does sound like much to me! But hopefully I will be able to keep up soon. Smile

Oh my!  That is GREAT  news Junebug!!!

I'm SOoooo glad you met that kind of doctor and his wife.  That's exactly what seemed to be the problem and I'm glad they were not eager to medicalize you and put you on drugs, psychotherapy or something more invasive.


See the power of kindness and understanding??
your vagina already opened up again....  Smile

Keep up the good job (that is, keep taking HER time..)

A hug Smile

Congratulations, junebug!!!

I am SO happy for you.

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