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flojo

Hello!

Hello!

First of all Iíd like to thank you all for creating this forum! There are lots of useful information for many of us in here!

Iím not sure I have vaginismus. My gynaecologist, whoís great by the way, told me there is nothing wrong with me but he told me to check the word out on the internet and so I did and many of the symptoms match me.

So my story goes something like this. Iím 26 years old and I had my first sexual experience when I was 17 and a half. We were together for more than a year and my boyfriend pressured me in having sex and I must say that my first time wasnít the most pleasurable moment. I loved him but he pressured me in that first time, which to be honest I donít think was the time I lost my virginity. That I think came a bit later. So we were together with my boyfriend for 8 years and Iíll have to admit that it was only during our 3rd year that I started to enjoy sex with him. He was as inexperienced as I was and we were just experimenting on each other. I donít remember feeling completely comfortable with him though... Now that I think of it I was never comfortable with him... Anyway, long story short the guy was a doctor to be at the time and is a doctor now and he seemed to know that I was having some trouble with penetration. I could see it in his disappointment when we couldnít have proper sex and he did nothing to assure me that it wasnít a problem I had to bare myself... His attitude made me believe I was to blame that from a point on our sex life became bad. It wasnít bad all the time though. We had some good times and my vagina didnít ďrejectĒ him all the time. I mean he had created lots of insecurities to me, like the fear of getting pregnant and ruining his career and many other non-sex related insecurities. Using a tampon was something I tried repeatedly but couldnít do it. Well I managed to insert one once but felt so uncomfortable that I took it off after half an hour or so. I use my finger by myself but not very often and Iím starting to think I should try doing that more often...

My boyfriend and I broke up six months ago and I started seeing this wonderful guy I fell completely in love with, whoís older than me and experienced. When we were to have sex for the first time I wanted it like Iíve never wanted anything but the thought of the ďproblemĒ crossed my mind and as soon as he tried to penetrate even though I wanted it, it was impossible... He was very patient and understanding and he said weíd take it slow. The thing was that he is from abroad and was just visiting me for a week and the pressure of time stressed me so much that I made it impossible for us to have proper sex... He only managed to get inside me a little bit and for a little time... And believe me we tried over and over again for an entire week...

My new gynaecologist was able to use two fingers when he examined me despite me pulling back and feeling pain I believe I caused... When I recall how I immediately pulled back when the doctor used his tools I realised Iím the one whoís causing this and tried to relax.. He was very descriptive and he explained that the only reason I was hurting was because I was tensed. When the doctor did the ultrasound I tensed again and felt the pain but he kept talking to me and telling me to relax, that it was nothing and how healthy and good my uterus was.

Even though my new boyfriend is very understanding and willing to help me with this Iím very afraid of losing him because of it, that is why as soon as he went back to his country I went to see a gynaecologist and Iím now trying to see how I could  treat it. I know it has to be something and I am willing to do anything to get over it! Do you think it really is vaginismus and if yes can I really treat it myself?

Thanks in advance!
TigerLily

Hi and welcome to the board flojo.

From your description I'd say that you probably do have vaginismus. It's good that you found this forum because it's really full of useful information. I'd advise you to read around and also to read the Vaginismus awareness network website. It has some great tips on treatment, dilating, etc.

You shouldn't feel like this is your fault or like you're the one who's causing the pain. You can't really control the muscle cramping so don't blame yourself for not being able to "relax". Throughout the treatment your muscles will become stronger and your body will gradually get used to penetration, so the cramping reflex will go away. That's pretty much how it works.

Good luck, and keep us posted Smile
flojo

Thanks for your reply TigerLily!

I'm glad there are things I can do to make my condition better and I'm willing to do whatever it takes! In my previous post I forgot to mention that when I went to the gyno he prescribed a vaginal cream for me (apparently I had mycosis due to the beach and stuff) and he also prescribed lubricant that I could use for the applicator. I've succesfully used that for the past week but I have to say that despite trying to relax I feel this burn at a specific point in the entry of my vagina. When I use my finger it doesn't sting as much. And another thing that got me thinking is that I've been seeing spots of blood, especially the last couple of days, when I go to the toilet and I've thought about calling the doctor and asking him tomorrow. I know it's not my period coming, still got two weeks to that so... Don't know if I should worry or not.

And one more question; instead of buying the dilating kit could I just buy a regular vibrator to help relax the muscles?

Thanks in advance!
admin

yes, a vibe is just as good plus it relaxes you.
But please let us know what the doctor said about spotting and wait before dilating again maybe.

Also, if it burns with a dilator but not with your finger, it'd be important to know a few things.

Do you use lube with both finger and dilator? The same type?
Are they of the same size?
What is the dilator made of?
Do you move dilators and fingers in the same way?
TigerLily

Just a suggestion... Maybe topics like this one should be moved to the 'Living with vag' section? Because that is where they technically belong, plus it's a private subforum so I guess people will be more comfortable discussing some details where not anyone can read them.
flojo

I haven't used a dilator yet. I was just wondering if a vibe would be better because as far as I know dilators are made of stainless steel (please correct me if I'm wrong here)..
The spots of blood I had seen a few times disappeared the next day I wrote the post so I didn't call the doctor.. Everything is as it should be now!

As for the gyno, the first thing he said when I went for the examonation was: "You don't have a problem." But when I mentioned things I read online he told me to look up vaginismus. He prescribed the creme and also some lubricant. The only thing he said I should do is to try and relax when on my own and use my fingers as much as possible as a form of "exerscise". I've been doing it recently, with the lube's help and managed to put 2 fingers in and leave them there for quite some time without feeling pain. It felt a bit strange when I moved my fingers around but wasn't painful.

So I suppose the next step is buying a vibe?! †Smile
TigerLily

Well, you can use all kinds of things as dilators, really. People have posted some ideas in the Dilating tips section. But I think a vibrator would work, too, as long as you find a size you're comfortable with. Wink
flojo

Thank you very much once again! Will let you know when I manage to buy one.  Smile
flojo

I feel so good that I wanted to share my progress with you and didn't really know where to post this.

I had decided that for my next period I would try tampons! So I bought some mini ones and when I got my period, two days ago, after my evening shower I opened the box, read the instructions carefully and then relaxed and stress-free as I was inserted the tampon with the first try, relatively easily, feeling no pain at all. Very Happy  And they were true when they told me you can't feel it at all when you place it correctly! It felt amazing! And with the heatwave and all it is the best way to feel clean all day! I even went shopping and tried on clothes without feeling uncomfortable that something might come out. So from now on it is tampon and again tampon! I don't know if I'll try and use a bigger size next time since I don't get much flow during my period but one thing I know is that I'll never stop using them! Wink

I still haven't gotten around to a vibe yet but that's soon coming!

It's incredible how much this small thing has boosted my confidence and now I feel like this is something that I WILL overcome!
admin

Great news Flojo !!
that is a great achievement and please try not to look at it only as a step towards solving vaginismus but as a step which is great in itself  cause
it taught you that your body responds to you if you treat it as it deserves..
it's a powerful, powerful lesson Smile   well done
TigerLily

Congratulations flojo!  Smile

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