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dyspareunia - no answers

I'm hoping that there is someone out there who can relate to me because i feel so alone and scared and like i don't belong anywhere.
I've had test after test and even surgery to try and find out the cause of the pain i feel during intercourse and after seeing a doctor yesterday was told that they don't know whats causing it.
They said its nothing physical and not vaginismus because i can actually have intercourse.
They said with medical advancements they may know the cause in 10 -15 years but for now i'm to take anti-depressants, painkillers and attend counselling. I feel like they all think i'm being a wimp or making it up, only my finacee knows the pain is real because unfortunately he's the one that inflicts it. He feels awful and i feel awful and it's really getting on top of me.
I feel like a fraud posting this message here as i've been told theres no way its vaginismus, but since i don't know what it is i don't know where else to go.
I just wanted to know if there was anyone else like me and what they do to help themselves. The doc told me to be more positive, but that's easy to say and harder to do.
I am frightened to have sex, but have been told in order to rule different conditions out, i've got to try the medication and then try having sex. I'm on a waiting list for counselling.
We don't need sex to feel like we love each other but its been going on for so long i'm just so fed up.
Sorry if it sounds like i'm wingeing but i'm so frustrated. I just wanted to be told yes its this...., so to fix it do this...  Crying or Very sad

Hello and welcome here..

yes, what you have is related to vaginismus very much so
you're not in the wrong place although we may recommend you
also joined a forum that dealt with dyspareunia/ painful intercourse

Now,  i need to say straight away..

doctors are NOBODY to tell you that you HAVE TO try sex.
If you're scared stiff right now and you've had enough of pain
down there,  just STOP and screw them.

You can always try the medicine and attempt sex at a later stage,
when YOU feel like it..

I'm REALLY glad you have a supporting, understanding partner.
If you dont need intercourse, as many here would relate to,
then just stop having it for a while till your vagina has time to heal,
at least emotionally.

As for not being vaginismus, sure, but if you keep attempting intercourse,
vaginismus can then develop .
It'd be secondary vaginismus, but still, you dont want to have that
to then deal with too.

ANother reason why you should listen to your body and if you're scared
and don't need intercourse right now, just stop, give yourself a break.

It is true that painful intercourse or vaginas that hurt even during the day, when nothing is touching them, is still a new branch of gynaecology
so a lot still needs to be understood.

For the time being, since nobody is still an expert on this,
I can just recommend you read our pages on the website
on the differences between vulvodynia, vaginismus and dyspareunia,
just to get the terms right  (but sorry if you do already, then skip that!)

Then you MAY want  to have a look at your diet..
It never hurts to cut down on refined foods and animal products
and get checked for intolerances..

But most of all,  if the pain is "only" during i/c,
I can't stress enough how important it is to stop having it for a while
and try to focus on other issues/hobbies/passions in your life...

sorry we can't be of much help...
keep in touch if you wish.


Welcome, Shem!

I'm so sorry you're having such a frustrating time figuring out how to feel better. Wow, you've even been through surgery. That must have been hard.

I hope your private parts will get a break, as our admin says. Your poor private parts!

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