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I don't know what to do. :(

 
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onthebound



Joined: 14 Dec 2009
Posts: 3



PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 8:52 pm    Post subject: I don't know what to do. :(  Reply with quote

I'm 25 years old and I have vaginismus, as well as extreme clitoral sensitivity. No one has ever been able to give me an orgasm except me and I cannot be penetrated by anything (tampons, toys, penises, my own fingers, etc) because I freak out. This even extends down to things like needles. Anything invading me just freaks me out.

I've just started seeing someone recently and she is having a problem understanding/accepting that she can't really do anything for me. I feel like I am letting her down and I don't know what to do about it. I only found out about a year or so ago what all this was even called, and I'm just not sure where to look. My therapist referred me to a sex therapist when I told her about it, but the sex therapist doesn't take my insurance and I can't afford her session fees at all. I've even checked the provider book I got from my insurance company and there doesn't seem to be any sex therapists listed.

I am so tired of being frustrated by not being able to have a normal sex life. Every time I am intimate with someone it is just SO difficult for me to enjoy myself at all. My inability to enjoy myself even frustrated one of my exes so much that she cried. This all just makes me not even want to be intimate with someone, 'cause it just fails every single time.

What am I supposed to do? I appreciate any advice (so long as it's not "you need to relax" -- if I hear that one more time I may hurt someone lol). Thanks.
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admin
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Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 446



PostPosted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just wondering...
maybe time will make your clitoris less sensitive and as
for vaginismus, if you checked our website, there are
steps you can take if you wish, like gradual self-dilating.

But as wanting to have "a normal sex life", do you really believe
such a thing exists?  It probably doesn't...  everyone, with every
partner, creates a life, which may not even have sex in it...

There are a lot of happy, very happy couples who don't care about
sex at all,  who enjoy being together so much cause they have
a lot in common and have fun doing all sorts of things together,
and sex becomes a totally irrelevant feature...

Just wondering if you ever considered that, for the time being at least,
your life could be amazing even without stressing out about sex..

All the best.
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"Vaginismus isn't the problem, the way society looks at sex is"
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onthebound



Joined: 14 Dec 2009
Posts: 3



PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have not looked at your site's information on self-dialating yet, but I do know about it. I was more hoping for advice on the psychological side of vaginusmus and what to do about it. I have considered a life without sex, but it is absolutely not for me. To each his own, but I am not willing to give up and deny my natural desires.

Thank you for the reference, I will be checking the site soon.
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onthebound



Joined: 14 Dec 2009
Posts: 3



PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, there is absolutely such a thing as a normal sex life.
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admin
Site Admin


Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 446



PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

describe normal sex if you please... Smile  

as for giving up on our natural desires...
if only sex was natural these days, but it isn't.
we get thousands of messages about sex, about romance, about what is attractive sexually and what isn't,  and we get thousands of visual and other types of stimuli,  alcohol included, which alter our truly natural, very simple desires..

Also, when we say sex we don't mean intercourse. But i think we already said that somewhere..

anyway, I just hope you'll feel better soon.
And I'm just trying to say you can feel great even without intercourse nooo problem..
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london



Joined: 24 Mar 2008
Posts: 11



PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 6:40 pm    Post subject: read useful tips Reply with quote

Dear onthe bound

please read what Ive just written on vaginismus forum.

You sound alot like what I went through & I do feel your pain. I tried everything it felt like & it took me 7 years to have intercourse. Ideally you need to find a hospital that investigates, researches & offers help about vaginaism & can help you with inserting dialators.  At the same time they talk to you &through the whole process. I was saying time after time i'm scared & the doctor said I know, just try to...well done...

This is worth investigating, personally speaking i feel so much better now I can choose to have intercourse, I feel liberated & know what my friends mean when they talk about intimate stuff.  please don't give up
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Lilybud



Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Posts: 27



PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can imagine it's hard for your partner, who's probably grown up with a pretty socially/culturally normative view that sex involves genital contact, but the truth is that this absolutely doesn't have to be the case.
What is important that you and your partner are both relaxed and trusting in each other, and you are sharing your bodies in an intimate way that makes you both happy. If you use that as a starting point rather than "you've got to touch this and do that" you start to find sex in the strangest places.
Some people's definition of a normal sex life is penile/vaginal intercourse and that's it.  I assume we've all gone past the point of thinking that's in any way correct, so why assume that sexual "norms" we have today are any more accurate?

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